Humbly Hoping to draw Closer to God

It has been a tumultuous year with the election. So I want to start this by saying the following: I aspire to "be an afflux of authentic life". Afflux is kin to Affluent, it has to do w/ flowing. It's also a medical term, that has to do with blood flowing from the heart, throughout the body, back to the heart. This is the vision for my life and for our church/community. we/i want to flow, like a river of life (John 4;14, 7:38), the life of Christ through my life to others back to Christ for His Glory and our Joy! I am far from perfect. And sometimes I do and say things that are harsh, mean, insensitive, inconsiderate (and much more). I have no recourse but to seek forgiveness and communal restoration. And sometimes, I say or do things that are something from that list, but they are taken that way, and I have to take the same steps of restoration, apologize and seek peace. That's what this blog is about. It's about making amends for things I have said that have been hurtful b/c they are hurtful words. It's about making amends for things I have said that have been read inaccurately and taken in ways they weren't meant (if we are all honest then we'd see we are all guilty of both). I can truly say that for the most part (i say most part b/c I don't want to be arrogant in saying I know my own heart when scripture tells me I can't...Jer 17:9), but I leave room for my own miscalculations, I have not tried to offend, hurt, exclude anyone from enjoying fellowship with me or anyone else. i was/am wrong for all that I have done in this regard. i plead for forgiveness for this without any equivocations with regard to any harm/hurt and inconsideration done to me. However, I do wish to share some of my journey: A year and half ago I watched a younger black man on t.v speak very eloquently about the state of our country. they things he said resonated within me. He spoke about the disparity between the rich and poor. This is, to me, a clear biblical issue. God mentions the poor over 200 by name, and at least another 50 plus references not by name. Jesus came to preach to the poor (Luke 4:18) and announced that the kingdom of heaven was profoundly for the poor (Luke 6:20). i honestly believed (*and still do) that this is something all Christ Followers are deeply concerned about. I never dreamed this could be a dividing issue between Christians. Never! this young black man spoke about America's degenerating reputation around the world. This is a concern for me b/c I am an American, have served our country in armed forces, gone on mission trips not just as a Christians, but an American Christian believe God had blessed us richly for a purpose. the Young Black man spoke about the increasing division in our country over several issues while Political Parties are doing little to work together. he continued with great articulation about several groups within our country who are being oppressed. These thing resonated with me, like they do with all of us who name the name of Jesus Christ. we mourn for the oppressed, we love the poor (at least we should), we believe in equality. this man, Barack Obama spoke so eloquently I was moved, in tears. I knew very little about him. over the next several months I read anything and everything I could about this man. My wife had a large jump on me by a few months. i struggled with so many things about this man's positions on things that just seemed inconsistent with clear biblical values, but on the other hand he was so profoundly for other things that also are clear biblical values. I wrestled with how do I weigh these things? he's for the right of a woman to choose an abortion: although I am more understanding and careful to listen to this now, I still cannot say that I ever believe (except for where the mother's life is in danger) abortion is the best decision. i believe heaven on earth comes in unexpected ways (like Jesus). Abortion is never the 'best' choice, but even those words seem sound profoundly black and white, and I never want to assume I know a person's story and be able to pronounce such final judgment on them, especially an not yet Follower of Christ (1 Cor 5). on the other hand, He's for helping those who feel trapped and abortion is the only way out is abortion by helping them taste a more financially stable life. He's for teaching sex ed which would diminish the number of unwanted pregnancies. Although this is never the goal, to simply diminish, I am not so clouded as to not take what good we can get. let me say it another way, if a hostage held millions of people hostage with certain death looming, I would not be against the release of some/many b/c i valued all the lives of the hostages. I would rejoice in the release of those who were released, while continue to mourn and fight for the freedom of the rest. This is my logic, and I ask no one else to hold it. For me it was many many things along this same line of thinking that got me to the point where voting for Obama seemed not only acceptable by Faith, it seemed good to me. Samantha and I came to this decision separately. we both, in the typical American sports fashion, decided to show support for our candidate by having some Obama stuff on our Facebook page. Now I want to say this, when it came to issues I was for Ron Paul, but I didn't believe he was electable and I didn't think he'd work to unite (for the record, I don't think voting record tells the whole story, and I don't think that voting with your party says you are not able to work with the others you are called to work with. beyond politics, Obama has shown, in my opinion, to work well in uniting various groups of people) others. We resolved not to say a lot about it, but we did want to post some things in support. first, we never thought this would be divisive. honestly. WE just never believed that people would read into that and accuse us/me of not being a Christian, of hating soldiers, of hating babies (i have 5:)0 of being socialist etc etc. never dreamed anything of the sort. We were resolved to just post this one sign on our facebook pages and that's it. Samantha put a sticker on the van, that she drives, but I purposely chose to not put it on my car so as not to cause controversy (once I realized this was such a sore issue). when Dobson said He wouldn't endorse McCain (that is til his recent letter of a 2012 American which seems to be a McCain endorsement via a anti=endorsement of Obama) and Alan Keyes (whom I like even though I don't agree with lots of his takes on things) said McCain wasn't pro=life. I thought that Christians would be divided on this election. and as I read about the election, the Christ followers I read and network with, well most of them were voting for Obama. I knew My mom wouldn't that's b/c she would never vote for a democrat. but i expected that. over time the emails started to flow in. An email from someone saying= Here's some info on Obama, so you would know. though that was a little offensive to us to presume we weren't informed, what really bothered us is that it was debunked info by every remotely reliable fact agency. it seemed ludicrous that someone would sincerely send us info citing that Obama very well might be the anti Christ and that he swore in on the Koran even though it was publicly noted he was swore in by the same bible as anyone else. after several of these emails from very sincere but seemingly naive (i am not being mean here, i am saying that it is ridiculous to forward emails about the Koran and the Anti Christ. That's just not fair nor intellectually justifiable and is not only an abuse of scripture, but a profound misunderstanding of scripture) as well as uninformed. the emails continued to flood and we were growing weary. We tried to be sweet and peaceable, but the measure was too much and we started to respond with informing our protesters (many of whom are family) that not only are we informed, but their information is incredibly inaccurate. even when I talk with my dad who could not be more against Obama, he would laugh at the fatality and naivety of these attempts to sound "christian" when they were anything but. we felt we were being patient, but people, family would get highly offended. Now, from where we sit, we were being questioned, as to our ability to make our own decisions (which is ironic since we are so far removed from much of what we were taught from either of our parents, and we have been considerably independent for most of our adult lives) our faith, and love for America. and when we defended ourselves, we were told we were unkind and hurtful. It seems that despite the constant declaration that we are free to have our views, it seems it is precisely our views that have caused loved one's to sever ties and communications w/ us. i have been told I am not a Christian, or that i have abandoned the faith (as well as many of our friends who are with us, they have been attacked) and yet when we answer we are told we are angry. I recently wrote a blog in response to the continued attacks. i realize people can choose to read it how they want, but I am the author, and the heart of my blog (yes it was peppered with back lashes against self-righteous Christians, of whom I often am) was HOPE not FEAR. It was i am HOPEFUL to vote for a candidate, and that those of us who are being attacked, we refuse to give into the fear. none of this was meant to personally attack someone they way people have personally attacked me, often anonymously. It was not meant to be that type of hatred at all. it was meant to voice my Hope in spite of the frustration of have some attack and leave me. it was on my personal blog. i choose to exercise this freedom before I lose it according to those who want to preach fear.:0 these thoughts were meant to encourage the handful of friends that read this, who feel the same way. I have yet to go to one person's blog or page and argue with them about their choosing McCain. And trust me, all that his supporters feel about Obama, i feel about him. I think our country is vulnerable to much if he is elected. but I don't want to criticize other's political choice. but I have criticized how many have been critical and yet hypocritical. you can probe the net but you will not find me commenting negatively or debating w/ anyone on their blog or page. so, whatever anger someone perceives me to have, it comes from months of attacks. That's no excuse for my poor testimony in any of this. But I say this so that for those who only attacked me a few times and then can't figure out why I seem so frustrated, multiply your attacks , or your unsolicited information of poor credibility times 100, and that's what i have been patiently enduring until recent weeks. Once upon a time there was a church. In it were folks who's background was very Judea=Christian. They didn't want anything to do with the wicked pagan practices. They were so passionate about this they would not buy nor eat meat that was used in these rituals even though it was sold at a discounted price. They felt strongly about this. In this same church were folks who worked hard, they did the dirty jobs but they didn't get paid much. so, they decided to buy the discounted meat, citing that God has cleansed it, and it is pure. This enraged the good "biblical" literalist. They felt this was uniting with the wicked. so, the church was on the brink of a split. They fought constantly. the Judeo c's maintained the need for separation. This was a very moral issue to them. As moral as it gets! The other side felt that buying this cleansed by God meat at discounted prices not only fed their families, but enabled them to be hospitable to others. the two sides could not agree, separation seemed inevitable. one day a great church leader wrote a letter to this community. He acknowledge how passionate Jc side felt about this very moral issue. he didn't condemn them for it at all. but He also knew that God had cleansed that pagan meat. in fact he wrote that to a pastor friend and to another church. he realized, even though these two sides felt very passionate about their positions, they both were not only necessary to the church, but they were both right as long as it was by faith they took their side. And this leader said=-God is the God of both! And both sides are right(eous). He wrote: do not destroy the work of God over food" even though this was a deeply moral issue for the one side. He told the two sides to not judge each other nor to cause the other to stumble. When the church lived this, it was beautiful. It was a great testimony to the world that the church really is inviting, inclusive. there really is room for people of various beliefs. (Romans 14). I once again admit my writing have not been completely honorable. to those who read, please forgive and let's seek peace in the world together. To the family members who have been really hurt, I assure you I have never desired that. and I have a sneaking suspicion you'll read this:) I love you (you know who you are) more than you know. Peace and Grace from a contrite heart.