The Far Side of Missional

Tonight I ran into an old friend at Winn Dixie. We engaged in a conversation near the entrance of the store. I happened to be wearing a tee shirt with a pic of a Mariachi Guy in a Sombrero and the words- "Jesus` is my homeboy" written on it. I think it's funny:) A very large man waddled in with his Pamus rubbing the floor and his upper thigh-and began to stare at my shirt. With a look of utter disdain- the guy said> "HOMEBOY? Jesus is your Homeboy? (Ptttpph)" While his head shaking back and forth in the "no" motion. Then he added- My Lord and Savior isn't any one's homeboy". I kindly (which took immeasurable restraint) said- "excuse me sir, it says Jesus` is my homeboy". He just looked at me w/ this pissed off look. As he moseyed cleaning the floor (not really) he was mumbling to himself. All I could think was: What good does this do? He doesn't know me. He obviously didn't take the time to actually read my shirt. He just jumped to conclusions. Having grown up with this type of attitude, I am saddened by the probably host of people I have turned off to Jesus b/c of this type of behavior. And then I thought- Jesus is really gracious and merciful. This humorous experience makes me want to try harder at being Missional (Obviously not in making fun of this guy here, b/c it's too darn funny). I DO need to get some new funny Tee Shirts. If you feel generous, I prefer 2x, but can wear 1x. I'm out!

Confessional Christianity

It's hard following Jesus. Some days I want to quit. As I grow older, the more I realize just how full of pride I am. It's becoming quite burdensome on my heart, my soul. The weight is more than I can bear, and confessing this to those who'd respond w/ > "Just give it to Jesus"- only adds to my immeasureable pride as thoughts of evil murder race through my mind. I often seek counsel as a pretense in order to solicate- "No, Sam, you are doing the right thing. You are brilliant!". I find myself looking down on people as if they have no business counseling me. PRIDE- is the death of me. I'm in a hell that I have no ability, and in all honesty-it appears little desire to escape. I say this b/c I desire greatly to escape, and yet I feed this Hellish pride constantly. I used to think that being a good Christian was to be a Confessional Christian- that is one who Professes Jesus with great oratory exuberance. The more verbose I was in lauding Him, the better Christian I was/am. Its rather easy to speak well of Jesus, even to those who could care less about him. He's quite popular. And speaking well of him actually, frequently serves the Pride that seems to encapsulates me succintly. So, I learning experientially that Confessing Christianity is crucial- only I suck at it. I hate it. I've been trying to confess my pride, wickedness......its really hard. Its hard because it like spreading your legs while providing steal-toed boots to the listener(s) and saying- "Go ahead- kick away". Such vulnerability is difficult to say the least. For the most part people either say nothing- or offer trite counsel that seems an attempt to thwart my pride w/ their's-which only serves as a reminder of why my pride needs confessing-b/c I don't was someone elses pride to be the source of humbling I so desparetly need. So where does that leave me? I wish I had something profound to say to the one of two readers of this pathetic attempt to expose my own pride the enslaves me to a self-imposed hell. But I have nothing profound to say. I'm tired. I'm extremely insecure these days. I feel unappreciated (I realize this is my pride, and not really a testament to those in my life). And as I think through- I can proudly boast why I should be appreciated, but my pride through insecuties wins the battle. I am trapped on all sides by my own wickedness. I realize that this type of vulnerable confession-well gives cause for other's to crush me. Perhaps that's what I need. I doubt too many will read this (If any at all). That's fine. Somehow I feel better putting it out there. I, somewhere hidden deep inside of me, is this desire to live for the glory of Jesus, his way/life, and as him (in my 'effed' up way) for the good of others. I am trying to learn his humility- the kind that left Divine Privilleges, to be Human-and not in the Adamic sense, but the "this sucks" sense. Some how amidst the Hell of life on earth, he discovered, demonstrate Heaven. I've seen it a few times......and I want to see it more. So-I confess! I confess I am one prideful bastard...literally.. I'm an illegetimate child of God (I don't mean this as anything on God, but only my own unworthiness). God, I am sorry. I wish I could overcome this, but I can't. LORD, you know what I can and can't handle better than me. So, when I feel crushed, help me to see that you thought I could handle it. Help me to see that confessing it is only helping me grow. You know what I am trying to say. In my mind I am laboring to find profound ways of saying this to potentially impress that guy who'll read this (thanks Jason)...so I just say-sorry for being so full of pride. .... Maybe I should get some Manpons for my PMS (Prideful Man Syndrome).

"YOU KNOW WHO" is attacking!

Saturday morning I sat and listened to a devotion as the leader was complaining about "The Devil". "He'll attack us b/c we are doing things for Jesus!" Monday I spoke with a close brother in the Lord who lives out his faith slightly different than those of us at The Riv. While speaking he told me of how he and his wife were visited by two young mothers, both in their early twenties. They were talking about children when this friend of mine turned the conversation to "spiritual" things (his words). The older couple had just met one of the young ladies (and they are Grand Parents in law to the other). She had been in their apartment for 15 minutes. Upon the sudden transition in conversation she insisted she needed to go immediately to tend to her daughter. My old friend said "The enemy was thwarting what God was trying to do". Another long time friend I have frequently attributes just about every little frustration to mmmmmmmmmmm could it be "SATAN" (said in the church lady voice:) ) ? Whatever the devil is or isn't, I don't pretend to have figured it out. I know growing up he (satan) was real in my belief system. It seemed imperative for him to be. Whether or not scripture intends for us to be aware of a real "figurative" lion roaring about seeking to devour "christians" and potential candidates for "the sinners prayer" or not- doesn't seem to be an issue of primary importance to me at this time in my life. One thing I know is that people are more than wicked enough often, to account for all that is wrong with the world. Whatever the devil is, it seems that in the old Hebrew story, he?/she?/he-she?/other(s.....inside family joke)? this devil lost out on the Heavenly Kingdom b/c it wanted to take the place of God in receiving honor, glory, and worship. It wanted to be higher than God in glory. So, wouldn't it be congruent with those who Love Jesus to NOT give this enemy CREDIT for things it may or may not have anything to do with? In addition to this possible unintended worship, it seems also plausible that attributing things to it, removes not only potential fault on ourselves, but lends itself not even considering if we are in the wrong.................. I desire to witness to a young lady of who Jesus is, but she has had countless bad experiences of judgmental "christians" telling he of her evils of mothering a bastard child. Perhaps she isn't convinced I love her, and that my motives are less than pure. Perhaps a pastor, deacon, or another church leader abused her, and I don't know that b/c I haven't taken the time to "LISTEN" to her. (Listening is fresh in my mind both b/c we are reading James this month at the riv, and I am discussing the verse on "be quick to hear" this Sunday). Perhaps, I mean JUST MAYBE, he sudden desire to leave has something to do with me? What if THE ENEMY has nothing to do with it all. What if I'm the enemy of my own spiritual desires? How would we consider that if we jump to "It's the enemy"? What if we Christians began to consider others? What if we actually took time to listen to where people have been, their personal story (instead of assuming they're all the same.......birth, sin, wicked action, need 3-5 point gospel presentation)? What if we, like the Paul of the bible we love to quote so often- we departed to people not only the gospel, but our very own souls (1 Thess 2:8...which seems to be the FULL gospel!). What if we were quick to hear, sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow to speak, and slow to anger (at the damned Devil...b/c after all we may be our own enemy)? What if Christians acted like Jesus? WOW! What a wonderful world this would become! I am sure that I am an enemy to my own desire in this. I am positive someone will read this as unloving, and they are right in large measure b/c I am ever so slowly growing into the image of Jesus. I confess that. I have been guilty of everything I admonish here, and still am. And I am sure the devil has little (unless I am in some way it) to do with my wickedness. I am no victim, i am simply a muddy, marred, fading image of the ONE (JESUS) who created me and this whole world- slowly, painfully slowly, being redeemed-Created ANEW! My hope, my prayer is that I, as messed up as i am, be submissive to my King, to his community, and those God graces me to live near. God forgive me please for my quick mouth, slow ears, snap judgements, and often being an enemy to the Cross that bore my sin. Thanks for not being like me Jesus-I'm really glad you aren't. Passionately Dreaming and Aspiring to be "An Afflux of Authentic Life" that is found in Jesus- s

My Beautiful Bells

Tonight my little bells bumped her head while setting the table for dinner. She is sooooo precious. It was adorable. She was so enthusiastic in her service (oh the faith of a little child....). When she bumped her head she cried this pitiful cry. I ran to hold her tightly. As we sat on the couch, her on my lap- I rubbed her sweet little head while I while telling her I love her, daddy was sorry that the table hurt her. She looked up at me with her BIG BLUE eyes and said: "Daddy, ask Jesus to make it feel better, please". immediately we prayed together calling upon the Great Physician to relieve her of this pain. Suddenly, those deep blue eyes are staring back at me again: "daddy, Jesus didn't here you, He's in the box!". "What box?" I asked. The box where we give Jesus our money"! I laughed! Thank You Jesus for my little Bells.

What the Afflux?

The Riv Community is reading 1 Peter this month, everyday, in its entirety. I haven't really given much time to this Book in a while. It has been incredibly refreshing to me. I have been alternating each day reading it in the ESV and The Message, but the past few days I have ended up reading it in both. There are a handful of thoughts/verses that have continuously spiritually medicinally soothed my soul like a skilled surgeon removing painful tumors from my heart and mind (I really wanted to say scrotum b/c it seemed funny in my head, but I didn't say scrotum!). One is chapter 5, verses(ish) 1-3 ......"care for God's flock with all the diligence of a shepherd-.......tenderly showing the way". *&$@! (expletive)- I wrote in the side of my bible- "Do I do this? God help me!" My great fear in this life is that my life won't matter. That what I am, what I do will have no lasting effect, if any at all. I often struggle (I am being brutally transparent here, please- for those who wish to crush me, gently and kindly exit now) with identity crisis. I know that I shall never be famous, or pastor a mega church, and I am good with that, for the most part (I say most part, b/c I don't know my wicked heart, and don't want to be so foolishly arrogant as to think I know myself better than God, or the community to which I have been given trust, and entrusted to). In my insecurity, I wonder often- does what I do matter? Then I read in Peter's beautiful letter: "Be content with who you are and don't put on airs.God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you." I realize this isn't the best translation, but oh how our Creator, Sustainer, Rescuer restored my weak mind and heart! God is Faithful through Jesus the Christ our LORD! To rip off our good friend Beth K, I am in love w/ Jesus (sorry Mark Driscoll for using this language that you hate- "In love with Jesus",- is it possible to say that and not mean it romantically?? I guess it's hard to see that when women are only good for 3 things... sorry for this rant, I read some crap by him yesterday that is pissing me off)- and I know Jesus most through His Kingdom Community that is nicknamed The River. It is there I see Him so real, alive, incarnate. One friend texted me with the same feelings of insecurities: the conversation we had was so healing for me (you know who you are- thank you). Another communal member wrote a letter in their own hand (like we talked about a few weeks back). The words proved timely for me in this crisis of identity. I am unworthy of the things that were said, but grateful eternally for them. Another drank coffee w/ me and enjoyed some laughs, some stories, work- I left encouraged. Your friendship is a constant rock in my life. Another has spent time with a few times this week. We wrestled, we hugged, we shed tears, we provoked unto love and good works- I am always better for our friendship. another had a sweet midnight conversation with me on a couch. Listening to boring stories, and sharing their heart- My sweet Tori (I love you sooo much, the delight of being your dad and pastor is one of life's great rewards). Another cuddled with me and loved on me in special ways- thanks Daniel, Just kidding- My Beautiful Wife Samantha who is a constant reminder that I am blessed by God and favored immeasureably. This community has been Jesus saving me over and over again a thousand times! It makes the pains of life endurable, and hopeful that "though our outer person seen as a body is wasting away, our inner person of soul is being renewed always. these momentary sufferings do not compare with the weight of glory beyond all comparison". Yesterday I was rescued from rejection from one of my mentors calling me a heretic. The words stung as I heard him say- "the problem with the emerging church is that is focuses on the praxis of the gospel"-right after i said that is what attracts me to it. It was mind blowing, dumbfounding- yet I was rescued by Jesus incarnate through His Spirit filling the Church, some know as The River! The Riv- I love you more than my fallen, broken, crippled self could ever demonstrate- Lord Jesus, redeem my love and make it whole. To Jesus, to you belongs all glory forever and ever. Amen. Torn between who I was, am, and who God's amazing grace/mercy are causing me to become- Inspired to Be An Afflux of authentic Life with The River, God's people abroad, and all those have ever, or who will come to confess Jesus as Lord- sc

A Historical Night to remember!

I still don't know how to articulate how I feel, but I am definitely hopeful. As I watched the Victory speech of President Elect Barack Obama, my heart flooded with joy. As they scanned the crowd present for the speech, it appeared it was people of all walks of life. What a testament, a great witness that America is evolving into all the our Founders dreamed in their own limited view. I am sure they didn't think we'd become what we are becoming, but we can't blame them for their limited world view. But Last night, the grand hope and dream of America took another giant step forward! America seems to be growing more into a Community once again. For that, I am grateful. For those naysayers, you're right, it is time to pray! (1 timothy 2:1-4 ) The great 1st century church planter wrote: " First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgiving (wow, thanksgiving! A value I pray our more conservative brothers and sisters learn) be made for ALL people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that WE may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in EVERY way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires ALL people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of truth!" And we shouldn't presume we have conquered, exhausted, arrived, to all truth. In other words we should "receive the implanted word with meekness and humility" (James 1:21), not arrogance. We should heed the words of Jesus to the Pharisees: "You search the scriptures for you think IN THEM you have eternal life, but it is these that bear witness of me" (John 5:39). I.e. scripture is not our owners manual, it is not at our disposal to make it say what we wish, rather it is a means of how Christ speaks to us, to point us to him and his way. We don't "receive" Jesus to get the word, we have the word to begin to know Jesus. Yes, let us pray, not our agendas as if we are supreme and have it all figured out. Rather, let us pray in thanksgiving for our President Elect, that we may be and bring peace. Pray for him and the administration that they may be approved unto God. And no, they will not be perfect. And ultimately, for those of us who serve Jesus, President Elect Barack Obama is not our final Commander in Chief, Jesus, the ONE who reigns now (1 Corinthians 15:25, Matthew 28:18,12:28)-HE is our KING! Let us honor Him wholly, as those who are reigning with him, not politically, but in the ultimate Reality, the Unstoppable Kingdom Of God in Jesus through a life of peacemaking, seeking the highest good of the world. Let us pray that God uses President Elect Barack Obama to fulfill His good in His world. Let us never think our ways and our thoughts are God's thoughts! His ways and His thoughts are much, much highers than ours (Isaiah 55:8, written to God's people, not some "pagan" nation. we should never confuse our agenda's to be God's, always humble, always seeking God.). Father, I thank You for your grace and mercy! You spoke with great finality Two Thousand years ago (Hebrews 1:1-3) through the Majestic King Jesus! We believe you will use any person who will humble themselves before you. We pray that our new president will continue to humble himself before you, that he may lead this land to be used to help bring about your Peace in Your World. And when we disagree, let us lead quiet and peaceful lives, that speak with humility, meekness, kindness, and seeking the highest good of others, and not our own interest (Just Like Jesus Philippians 2:3-9). God You are abundantly good and do good. Help us to not only be hopeful, but to bring hope to others. remind us daily of the power you give us, and not to live in fear, help us to believe the multitude of scriptures that call us: "do not fear, be of strong courage". Lord we thank you that we can live in a land as aliens, and voice our concerns. Help us to be concerned with all who are oppressed, and not to fight to "spend our money" on ourselves with self=righteous indignation. But let us love the poor in deed and life with justice and liberty for all! For Your Glory, Our joy and the Highest Good (Jesus) to the world, Amen!

An Honest Question:

This whole election thing has been wearisome. it's crazy! It seems that so many have become divided in these "united" states. I am amazed, bewildered, baffled at the anger that so many have towards me, my wife, and others who are voting for Obama, and think that a " :) " somehow makes it okay to say hateful things. I am amazed at the profound inability to listen that so many have. I received an email, with attempts at nobility and sincerity, where Obama wouldn't be voted for by a "black" christian just because they were black. Rather, they would vote Christian. Which is great- but the problem is that this reader assumes that this is a"black and white" (no pun intended) clarity. The blogger/ writer continued to suggest that b/c they didn't know Barack they can only go on his voting record. WOW! so Barack is summed up in how he votes? He is only what he votes? Is that partially (if not wholly) what is meant? I know that it is being suggested that this is the only thing to judge by for a vote, but when people use this article to suggest others are wrong b/c o someones opinion of how this boils down= well that is really incomplete information. If we judge people we don't know on their voting record what might we conclude (possibly unfairly, but it employs the exact same logic)- if you vote against "Gay Marriage" then you must hate Homosexuals (which, I believe is probably true for many , not all, who vote that way, but that's besides the point)! If you vote for McCain b/c of his commitment to the Iraqi war, should we conclude you hate Iraqi people and children?? (I am not suggesting that, however, it has been said of me that I don't support troops b/c of my vote for Obama, which seems to be the same judgment others' don't want imposed on them. Perhaps they have not read MT 7:1-5?. And this judgment of others on me and those who vote similarly is insane, since Obama is ALL for the War front in Afghanistan....So Obama is not against the troops, he for the troops, He just isn't for the war in Iraq-which is that so hard to understand when our VP financially gains from it, and that isn't really up for debate is it?? that's not "Anti Christ" propaganda, it's factual knowledge). If we judge some one's character by their vote, are we to conclude that those who vote for McCain are Oligarch's, and believe the rich should rule? Are we to conclude that those who profess Christ and vote republican hate the poor? Which doesn't seem a stretch with the ridiculous amounts of comments I have seen on how "the poor shouldn't get a vote, since they will just vote for Obama" (so the poor shouldn't get a vote now?? who's dis'n freedom now?) (this was said by someone who works with the poor, feels enough for the poor to help them a little, not give them a voice0 Another, pastor, said "the poor shouldn't get food stamps, b/c most of them are lazy, and he works hard for his money. They should get bread and water". Is this really in the Spirit of Christ? Is this what Paul meant when he said "don't work, don't eat". Should we assume all poor, most poor, are lazy? should we simply, bitterly and angrily (b/c they are "stealing" our money through taxes, although last I checked the poor don't tax anyone, governments do, including the Admn of the past 8 years) throw them a piece of bread and bid a "Bonn appetite'? and toss them a hose and say...;You have 30 seconds to drink up, enjoy! If we judge people on their voting record, we are voting on incomplete information at best. And that's not even considering that we don't even know all the details surrounding each vote. It just seems godlessly unfair to be so self=righteous and self-impressed with voting a certain way as if it is "The Way" of Christ. What should be is that we have Christians vote all over the spectrum, because no political party has it all right, or even mostly right. We need Christians voting republican b/c of the abortion issue, we need Christians voting democrat b/c we should care for the poor and the teenage potential mothers, and to preserve our planet, and to care for the sanctity of life after birth around the globe (which if you were keeping score, it does seem clear where we should vote, but let's not go there:) WINK WINK SMILEY face!) In the end, I am tired of the arguing, the self-righteous emails and "didn't know if you knew" etc etc. it's old. I blog so that I don't hate. I have to get it out so I don't b/c bitter. I have to let people know= ENOUGH! I AMEN my Amazing wife, Amazing b/c what she has grown to in the past 15 years as we journey together with and towards Christ to enjoy him. My Honest question is= Are we all being fair? Another Honest Question: When/If the Apocalypse doesn't come in the next 4-8 years, and America doesn't look like what so many have projected, will those Oppose rs admit they may have slightly overreacted? (I will if you are right, but it won't matter b/c we'll all be in jail :) Smiley Face, happy face, nice voice when I say that) Will you really pray for Obama? Or will you pray your agenda? Will you pray for the removal of Obama. Will I pray for McCain? Probably as much as I pray for Bush, which is he gets a few mentions once or twice a week. But I pray for our country all the time. This is it, as far as you know, until someone else sends me another article on Obama, which at this point, is anything new actually being said? peace,